Life from an employee's perspective

Ok, so today I was sitting at my desk researching other careers. As I was looking around I noticed from some blogs of others that I wasn't the only one feeling a little guilty about getting paid to search for a job or a business opportunity. It does make me feel bad but at the same time we aren't busy right now. I always get my work done first, but after that I have 2 options. Sit at my desk and stare at the employees across from me, or make good use of my time (efficiency is one of my strong points) and try to find my own northern star (there's a book that I read a portion of on Amazon.com today that has this very title.

So as I was being adventurous I sat there for a second and I thought about the owner of our company. I thought about what he would think of me searching other careers while I work for him. Oh he doesn't KNOW me. He only knows me as that girl down there in that other office. He only knows that once a year when he comes in we exchange hellos. I wonder if he even knows if it's still me (the girl who was there last year)! That's kinda funny to me really though. Why would someone not want to know the people who work for him or her? Why would someone not want to know why we aren't busy? Why in the world would he not want this branch of his business to flourish? I wonder how I would be if I was in his position. I wonder if he's so rich that he really doesn't care. I doubt it but I still can't understand it.

We have a few really good people in our office. Oh, we are an industrial tractor sales company. We sell the big John Deere machines just to give you the facts of what kind of business this is. We sell the big boys and repair the big boys and sell the parts for these monsterous, expensive machines. However, we really don't sell much.

I'm not a salesperson. I come from a family of salespeople. My dad was one of the best at what he did for many years. He ran a sales team of fun, upbeat guys who sold memberships at Yogi Bear campgrounds across the country and he loved what he did and was very good at what he did. He worked hard and he played hard and he always treated his salesmen like family members. This is all I know of sales other than my short (very short) stint at selling insurance. I realized that I am an excellent observer but not so good at the actual act of selling. I can recognize talent when I see it and I can tell when someone is not being a good sales manager because I observed what I thought to be the best.

So I am back to wondering if the owner of our company would want to hear my thoughts about why I think we aren't selling anything. I wonder if he would want to know that the manager he has in place acts as if he owns the place but has no pride in what he owns. He has two salesmen but treats them as if he was their wicked stepfather. He expects the best of others but doesn't give his best. He expects perfection but isn't reasonable with his expectations. He doesn't have any people skills and yet he thinks he's the best in the business at managing people. He's of the "do as I say, not as I do" mentality and it's so bad for morale. Nothing is ever his fault but they are always to blame. I use the term "they" because for some strange reason he treats me as gold. Like a china cup. He calls me "little girl" and I'm almost 42. Anyway, the whole reason he's there is to train, encourage and motivate the salesmen to sell, which in turn would cause the parts to be bought and in turn the equipment will eventually need to be worked on and on and on the production cycle goes. Don't get me wrong, I think in his day, he sold some machines, but eventually his people skills caught up with him and caused him to get a kink in his chain. He somehow scored the corner office and never looked back, or forward, or up or down. He looked at himself as a winner and Ithink it all ended right there. It's so sad to see but he's still pride-filled and now he's unproductive and so has everyone who's worked for him since then-but only in that position. The good ones have moved on to different places where they could really soar away from the nest. They had to get out from the pile of crap he heaped on top of them so they could actually fly.

Is it possible to be successful in today's computer age when you don't know how to run your email? Is it possible to be successful when you don't have access to a computer? Our salesman can't compete with the "ever evolving" competition. They look like fools when they go out to a jobsite without a computer and here comes the other guy with his souped up truck and laptop in toe ready to do a quote and financing approval on the spot. Don't you have to grow in business and actually study your competition? What good is any business that never changes? It's so sad to me that this branch will die one day, probably very soon. If I can see this and I'm just the sales administrator and other miscellaneous titles, why can't the owner see it? Why has this gone on and on and on for far more than my measly five years there. There are many there who've been there for 20 plus years and they have never sat down with the owner and discussed this. Is this a new concept? I'm not out for anyone's job, and I have no personal vendetta against this guy but I don't understand how there is no accountability in a job situation. There are many days when this man just sits at his desk all day literally staring out the window. Many days when he's cussed people out on the phone because they've left him on hold for too long. Who's he think he is, the president?! He gets mad at the advancement of technology instead of embracing it and facing the fact that if he's running the show, he'd better be in the know. He acts as if everyone in our store is beneath his level of intelligence and that we don't know that when he says he's going to a certain customer (4 out of 5 days) that he's really there (his house is right down the road). He thinks we don't know that when he shuts his phone off that he's doing personal business on company time. We don't care, we all do it when we have to, but why lie about it. How hard is it to say "hey I'm human just like you guys... I have a dr.'s appt. today" or "I have a stopped up septic tank and I'll be at home for a few hours to work on it" or is it beneath him to come in to work and say "hey I stopped at Walmart to get something for my car today and I saw your spouse?" instead he says "there's no way that person could've seen me today because I went straight to the auction and straight back" instead of finally giving in after someone insists they saw him at Walmart. What the heck? Why do bosses act like they are inhuman, arrogant, smarter than you (I guess they are cause they're in that position and have managed to snow somebody into keeping them there) and the best at what they do when everyone and everything says differently?

Well, I don't know why the owner doesn't know that these are all just tiny fractions of the reasons why we are so slow we've almost stopped or why he allows a negative person to darken an otherwise positive environment, and I don't think I will ever understand it. I don't have the experience to step in his place so I have no business bringing it to the owner's attention. I'll just continue to do my job the best I can until I find my northern star and get the chance to be that business owner one day and hopefully do a better job of keeping my business a positive place for myself, my customers and my family and friends to be a part of. I guess we can always learn from our experiences in life and take advantage of a bad situation and turn it into a trampoline for our future!

Coping with Change

Today my life changed. This was brought about by some of my very good friends and my even better husband. For the past month or so I have been a blob. I have not been happy and I have not been myself. I have cried at the drop of a hat (or anything for that matter!) and I have bit everyone's head off in sight and everything and anything have gotten to me. I've not talked to anyone about it because I've always "prided" myself on being strong and independent and able to handle any and all situations on my own and in a "timely" fashion regardless of the life circumstances that come along. Until...

Last month my oldest son got married. He's 19, and I'm 41. He's always been a model kid. In fact, when I wrote a letter to him on his wedding day I realized that he had not really dissappointed us ever, not even once. He's been such a joy to raise that I don't even feel as though we truly raised him. From the age of 4 I believe that God has had a plan for his life and He took over raising him from that point. I don't have any other logical answer for why he's such a great man. But anyway... So he got married last month and I didn't realize how hard the change would be for me. I have a 17 year old and a 10 year old and I truly thought and said over and over again how hard this was going to be for them because they were all so close. We were/are so close. My little one slept in his big brother's room every night and they watched the Discovery Channel and I truly thought it was going to rip his heart out when Luke moved out and it did, but only for a short time-maybe a day! Little kids are so risilient! I was shocked. Then my 17 year old...but only for a short time and now he's got a new friend and has been busy losing jobs and working out (another blog).

So I don't get it. What happened to me being strong and able to move on and enjoy the new phase of my life? Our bill would be less (car insurance only $600 a month now) and cell phone bill in HIS name, no more wedding preparation (I actually enjoyed this) and a spare bedroom for guests. Instant adjustment for me, not so much. Instead, I lay in bed and wait to hear him come in the door after dropping his girlfriend off, or he and his girlfriend bopping into the house all excited about life! It was so much fun seeing them so happy and full of fun about their future together. He was always the last one in the house in the morning and I was always behind him on my way to work in the morning. It's so strange how the most basic things in life can mean so darn much. I truly miss him. I miss them.

So after 4 weeks of moping around, being miserable and sort of sad that Luke & Britt are moving on with their lives together and away from us sort of. Well today a few of my friends asked me what's wrong. I had to hold back my tears as I typed away little bits of my inner hurt to even my closest friends and my husband. Why have I been lashing out? Why have I pulled away? Why have I been so hurt and distraught? I really had a hard time telling them about the changes I've been experiencing, but guess what? Ididn't have to talk at all. I got an email from Britt's mom (the mother of the bride). She asked me if I was having a hard time with the recent separation and change. Finally after holding it all in (I felt like a time bomb) I started to let out a little more with each response, but I really got more out of her responses to me. She's been hurting, crying and experiencing a sort of loss for her baby girl. Wow, her too? I felt so much better after "listening" to her emails. It was like a bucket of cold water suddenly drenched me. I realized that it is NORMAL to feel these things. It's normal for a mother to feel pain when one of her baby chicks flies away. It's okay to feel pain and to even express it to your loved ones.

Today I realized that it is hard to cope with change, but the coping time is the growing time. Like my friend verbalized for me (I've thought it but couldn't say it) it's now a new season for us. We have a chance to grow closer to our other family members, new friends, and our spouses. We've been so wrapped up in wedding planning for almost an entire year that we've lost touch with so many and it's time to give something to them. It's time to change for the better, become stronger and gear up for the next change. Did I mention that my hormones feel like they are totally out of whack??? Hmmm, maybe my next blog will be called "Coping with the Mones!!!"